no pooping to be had for a while

Im sorry I haven't had the opportunity to stop by in weeks with a new poo story. I'm completely swamped with work and studying and barely have time for sleep, let alone poop. Hopefully I'll be back and running soon enough, and ill have some excellent excrement to share with you.

unflushable

Alright, so this tale takes place about 6 years ago back when my friends and I were still young christian teens, as if that isn't embarrassing enough. my friend and I were visiting some randoms( I really have no idea why we were there, we barely knew them) who lived extremely far from civilization. they had an awesome house they built themselves in the woods, but it also meant they had a low flow toilet they didn't have professionally installed.

basically my friend had to drop a deuce, which ended up being the biggest turd of his life in this not so qualified toilet. the result was him texting me "It won't go down". after about another 10 minutes he came out, at which point the mother of the randoms we were visiting went in almost immediately after. My friend then told me we have to leave "right now". Not only because the toilet was blocked, but he tried to chop up his poo with the plunger, leaving it covered in his feces.

and so we left, and never talked to those people again.

no poo story today

but you can expect a really good one within the next day or two involving my best friend, a plunger and a clogged toilet. oh and a butt-load (heh) of awkwardness.


also; just an fyi today marks day 8 of the not pooping my pants streak :D

Dogs have too much freedom

I don't have an overly exciting poo story today, however my cousin stepped in a mound of dog poop while she was jogging yesterday. She said it was big enough a pile to be classified as a mountain, shes unsure how she managed to confuse it with the dirt trail. needless to say, the criss-cross pattern on her soles will never smell the same.

Girls do poo?

Alright so this is just going to be a quick story before i head out for today. Its a story my girlfriend's room mate told me (she was really drunk) (shes also really pretty, like a 8 outta 10) a few months ago about the worst job interview of her life.

basically she was going in for a really good job interview, implying she was wearing really nice clothes(business skirt, important for the story) and was trying to look her best wearing some really fancy high heels.. she had nearly made it to her destination when she received a sharp pain in her stomach, one she knew she was no match for. she knew it was a bad idea to be anywhere but her own home so she immediately turned back towards her place. she told me she managed to make the 20 minute bus/metro/walk commute and into her building, unfortunately at this point there was no stopping the monster trying to escape her bowels. just as she pushed the button of the elevator she couldn't hold it in any longer and she let some air out, followed by some unwanted liquids. she cried and ran to the lobby restroom, were she proceeded to release the kraken and clean herself up. being a friend of mine, all my friends are disgusting human beings deep down, she left her mess as soon as she could (no flush) to go cry / clean herself up in the solitude of her apartment.

She didn't get the job, and she really didn't care at that point.

off topic?

This isn't so much a story about pooing my pants, but its still on the topic of poo.. Just hit up the bathroom with my gameboy color in hand. I ended up playing pokemon red for about 30 minutes before i realized I still had my pants around my ankles.

Such a great game.

on a side note; going on day 5 of the new "not pooing my pants" streak

Motivation

What actually got me to start this is an incident which occurred just this week. Two days ago to be exact. You see, I just broke my 5 year streak for not pooping my pants. I'm 22 now, meaning I also shat my pants when I was 17. Unfortunately my stories aren't very exciting, but still the embarrassment is present.

The first messing of my pants took place in a hot summer night, right after fajitas. I'm not ashamed of anything to be honest, especially farting. I tend to pass wind no matter who is present and hope that its super loud and smelly. But I didn't expect to be plagued with diarrhea after my Mexican delight, or for it to pass through me as quickly as it did. Basically I was sitting in my computer room playing counter strike and felt an awesome fart coming on, but got more than i Bargained for. i was wearing nothing but mesh shorts, which i quickly found out liquids pass through quite easily. I almost felt like crying, but i sprinted to the bathroom as it ran down my leg. I didn't tell anyone until about 3 years later when my best friend admitted the same thing happened to him. Neither of us have farted with confidence since.

As for my more recent incident, its actually almost the exact same story.. except i was playing CIV 5, and I believe the culprit was a mix of far too much hummus and fish. this one wasn't nearly as messy as the first time, as a part of me is always expecting it to happen now. I was alone, and chose to ease out some gas to relieve some pressure, but to my dismay it wasn't air pressure. enough came out to ruin my best boxers, which I scrubbed (poo fingers) and put in my hamper (still there).

If you have suffered the same fate, please come forward, and let me know I'm not the only 22 year old who still shits their pants. Leave a comment or send an email to oopsipood@gmail.com and entertain me with shitty stories.